/Big Mouth/ Vision on
06/12/2007 | Filed under Discover > Big Mouth
Step away from the camera! Just because you can make your own programmes doesn’t mean you should
In The Queen Is Dead, Morrissey breaks into Buckingham Palace and meets the Queen. She tells him, “I know you and you cannot sing.” He says: “That’s nothing. You should hear me play piano.” Which, naturally enough, brings me to vidcasting. Think I can’t write? You should see me present a programme!
I’ve just watched a vidcast featuring two expert journalists, and I’ve no idea what they said. This is partly because they looked like hobbits. I defy you to concentrate on what someone’s saying when your brain’s doing impressions of Gollum from Lord of the Rings – and partly because, while they’re pretty good in print, they’re terrible on TV.
Video and audio are great when they’re used correctly, but all too often they aren’t. Bad multimedia is worse than no multimedia. So, if you’ve got an exclusive look at an exciting new gadget, but you ask Michael J Fox to hold it while Muhammad Ali films it, or if your podcast presenter is in the final stages of terminal tuberculosis and can’t say “Linux” without losing half a lung, then you may be better off with the written word instead.
TV disasters
I’m not being unkind, because I’ve been there. Over the years, I’ve been asked to do the odd TV thing, and without fail, each one has been a fiasco. On one BBC breakfast broadcast, I treated early birds to a case study in how much sweating one nervous Scotsman can do in three minutes. On an ITV programme, I provided a vivid illustration of the term “face for radio”. And on a (thankfully unreleased) programme audition, I proved that fear can make you vibrate so quickly that you disappear from the visible spectrum and can only be found by using infrared equipment and a mosquito net.
Each disaster happened in front of some of the world’s most expensive cameras, which were fed into hugely expensive editing suites manned by some of the best editors in the business. All of that talent and all of that technology couldn’t fix the fundamental flaw: me. Some people are naturals in front of the camera, but I’m not one of them.
Ze Frank is an internet celebrity for a very good reason: most people can’t do what he does. So, if you’re considering adding podcasting or vidcasting to your burgeoning media empire, or if you’re thinking that video’s easy and cheap to add to your site, don’t be fooled: technology can do great things with talent, but it can’t hide its absence. If you or your presenters aren’t up to doing the job well, your viewers or listeners will feel like Austin Powers spotting a mole on someone’s face. Sure, they’re sat there pretending to pay attention, but inside, they’re screaming “Moley moley moley MOLEY MOLEY MOLE!”.
The Peter Principle suggests that, sooner or later, everyone will be promoted to the level of their own incompetence. If you’re not cut out to be a presenter, podcasting and vidcasting could make that happen more quickly than you might think.
Gary was writing for .net in the Stone Age. He’s a journo and software expert (but crap in front of a camera). www.bigmouthstrikesagain.com
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Comments
Ted / 06/12/2007 / 17:15
and just because you can make cheap jokes about people with Parkinson's disease it doesn't mean you should.
Greg / 18/12/2007 / 13:17 / http://greg.loggist.com
That (Parkinsons jibe) and the tb comment- come on Gary, a bit cheap, that...
Gary / 14/01/2008 / 14:49
To be fair, the eds weren't sure about running that joke and I talked them into it. Sorry for any offence.
Furniture Freak / 28/05/2008 / 04:55 / http://www.furniturestoreblog.com
Really well-written article Gary. You seem to have the knack of creating controversy and turn almost any mundane thing into a bid uproar.
Sometimes, when I download ill-made SImpsons' spoof podcasts from the Apple Store, this is exactly the way I feel. Argh!
