/Threaded/ Stop the Hoff
04/07/2006 | Filed under Discover > Threaded
I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve heard the following remark: “You’re from Germany? Hehehe, you like David Hasselhoff.” Well, yes, I admit that the Hoff topped the charts for eight weeks in 1989 (but let’s not forget that over in the UK you had Jason Donovan!). And, ok, he did sing at the Berlin Wall on New Year’s Eve 1989, on top of a crane wearing a leather jacket complete with flashing light bulbs.
Although this is an image that will haunt me for the rest of my life, it has strangely been wiped off the face of the internet. But lets get the facts right. The last time the Hoffmeister had a top 20 hit in Germany was actually in 1991. The rest of the world, however, is not only still going on about it, but has gone mad and relaunched the Hoff’s career, which is now experiencing some bizarre renaissance all over the globe.
He’s played the lead role in Chicago at London’s West End for three whole months last year, recently appeared in Dodgeball, The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (www.tinyurl.com/cd4jw), and now he’s preparing – believe it or not – a big screen version of Knight Rider. I blame the internet for this intolerable state of affairs. The online community is absolutely obsessed with the Hoff. But how many ‘funny’ Hasselhoff emails can an average inbox take? There’s the extremely disturbing Hasselhoffian Recursion (www.b3ta.com/board/4104576), the Hoffmeister showcasing some secret swimming powers (www.tinyurl.com/7jwsq), and the even more shocking ‘Can you find David Hasselhoff’s missing nipples’ game. I urge you all: sign the Stop The Hoff Emails petition (www.petitionspot.com/petitions/Stopthehoff) so we (and especially me) won’t have to endure the everincreasing flood of hopeless Hoff spam anymore. And while you’re at it, stop giving Hasselhoff credit for goodness' sake. Otherwise he really might believe the Amazon reviews praising his musical output on Looking For... Best Of David Hasselhoff [Import]. Since 2001 no less than 1074 fans have variously called the CD a ‘love letter to mankind’, ‘a classic tale of fortune and glory’ and ‘a masterpiece of original song writing’ (www.tinyurl.com/7eqo9). We still don’t know if it’s a conspiracy, some twit being funny or David himself trying to push the sales of his record, which have plummeted globally – despite persistent new releases. Was it him, after all, who started the rumour that he had teamed up with bad boy Ice-T to record a hip hop album as Hassel The Hoff (www.tinyurl.com/d3ctn), only to deny it later?! We don’t know but somehow David has found a new home on the net. On eBay His Davidness enjoys a dedicated following. More than 200 Hoff-related items are being flogged on ebay.com, including drinks coasters and ‘David Hasselhoff is God’ badges, and they’re quite popular. As if this wasn’t enough, you can also track the latest, exclusive Hoff auctions on the hoff. eauctionassist.co.uk. For instance, Hoff-signed 20GB iPods, preinstalled with his Christmas album and a special message have fetched £265 – and this is on ebay.co.uk, not on ebay.de!
Has the world gone Hasselhoff-crazy or is it all part of David’s evil plan for world domination (www.esquilax.com/baywatch/domination.html)? Is he the Antichrist (www.esquilax.com/baywatch/index.shtml)? To be fair not many celebrities are honoured with fan sites like www.knightfoundation.com, the official David Hasselhoff site of worship. It includes gems like ‘Every woman desires him, every man aspires to his hairy manliness’, a bizarre ‘Ask David’ section and a downloadable David Hasselhoff paper airplane template. Take a look at the Hoff pictures on this site as well as his own official page at www.davidhasselhoff.com, and you can’t help but conclude that the Hoff is an easy target, with smiles cheesier than a pound of gorgonzola and a body hairier than the Yeti. But now guess what? None of the aforementioned links originates in Germany, so come on everyone, just confess to your own Hoff obsession and get over it. After all, there’s always the Shat...
Comments
BIG MICK / 03/11/2006 / 14:27
THE HOFF IS GOD!! LONG LIVE THE HOFF
Sharon Murphy / 28/11/2006 / 18:56 / http://www.hesaysshesays.co.uk
So does that mean you won't be rushing out to get this: http://www.hesaysshesays.co.uk/index.php?act=viewProd&productId=111
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I must say for a non-fan you do seem to know a lot about the Hoff, would you like me to send you a T-Shirt and it can be our little secret? Let me know, the offer is genuine!
Kind regards
Sharon Murphy
robert redshaw / 01/02/2007 / 08:31 / http://www.kapowgifts.co.uk/acatalog/David_Hasslehoff_The_Hoff.html
Nevermind about t-shirts you can get all sorts of Hoff merchandise now. I cant quite understand the obsession myself. It seems that it starts small and then snowballs. With the Hoff a retro cool character of old seems to have snowballed into a brand new celeberity mega star again.
Im no David Hasslehoff fan but actually the hoff mugs I have seen on here are pretty cool!
http://www.kapowgifts.co.uk/acatalog/Knightrider_car_diecast_toy.html
hans raj bhardwaj / 01/03/2007 / 05:36 / http://www.petitionspot.com
Hoff is very Good!
Although I am non-fan of Hoff.
Mathew Browne / 11/06/2007 / 11:38 / http://www.mbwebdesign.co.uk
Kudos on getting the shameless plugs published.
I think now that The Hoff has fallen off the wagon - the Internet cult band wagon, that is - his place has been usurped by Chuck Norris.
